Itchy feet and fading smiles

Yesterday was Valentine's day. I didn't expect it to come the way it did. It was so different considering the previous year. I am, of course, talking about school. I can still remember what clothes I was wearing on that particular day, what time each person arrived at school, what classes we had, how different people hugged.. This year was just plain old ordinary. Everything was great, but nothing extraordinary. I hate myself for saying this. I take far too much for granted. Everything is great and I'm still not satisfied. I feel like I have nothing new to discover about my classmates, they are not these mysterious people I was once fascinated by. Attending school has become the same sickening routine it once was. I'm bored as hell at school. (My problem.) It's not like I'm unhappy, no. On the contrary, I'm very happy.. But I want more.
"I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones." (Oscar Wilde)
Yup, that probably sums it up pretty good. Guess I'm not a very good friend. I wonder weather I'll ever have a fan. I guess I'm just not the type of person you want to get very close to or the average person will lose their fascination through my eyes. (My problem.)
I mean, I was so depressed yesterday, because nothing happened to drive me to euphoria. So, imagine me drunk on sadness, hitting the library on a cold, sad afternoon. I had to get away from school or otherwise I would have said some things I'd have regretted later. I was tired as hell and disappointed in my world that I kept having a battle with my inner-self weather it is appropriate to have a nap in the library. Alas, at least two hours passed in the blink of an eye.
Aivar Haller really made my day yesterday. Wow. A person whom I really admire, whom I adore, whom I look up to. Seeing all my not-so-old friends was also very relaxing. The pleasure was all mine. Thanks. You kept me sane that night.
So what next? I have got to change my lifestyle. I have far too many drafts, too little sleep and as it seems, no sense of morality. Couple of hours a sleep at night, a headache, some shivers, dirty songs, perverse poetry, cynicism.. I don't really want to continue.
I'm camping in Tartu for the weekend. For the sake of my mental health. I just feel so empty all the time. Just as some damn dementer has appeared out of the blue sky and sucked all the joy out of me. Too much Harry Potter for me.
I am my own pet virus. I get to pet and feed her. Her milk is my shit, her shit it is my milk. Okay, too much of Kurt Cobain for me.
Funny, the way the mind works. My mind leads me to heroin. In the dust I can see my catastrophe. Getting bigger and bigger at every minute. Too much free time for me.