Drunk on apathy

I'm not in the mood for a cheery introduction. Frankly, I'm not in the mood for anything. I just feel so tired and empty all the time. I'm having constant arguments with my higher self. I have been sucked dry. There is nothing left to suck on. It sucks.
It's not very polite to write about something equivocal so I'm going to do my best at explaining some things to you.. I won't bother burdening my mind with my cheap appeal. I don't really mind. (Guess I don't have a mind.)
I wear way too many masks each day, I can hardly recognize myself. Too much of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde for me. When I meet my true self, I'm going to be the happiest person on Earth. I'm going to laugh without heroin. In the meanwhile.. guess I'll fall and medicate.
I shouldn't be fascinated by drugs but I am. I shouldn't fall in love with him but I already am. I tend to mix darkness with love every so often. I shouldn't care so much but I cannot live without doing so. I should sleep more but I don't see the point. I should be full of joy and excitement I once was as a kid but it has tired me out way too much. I shouldn't take so much for granted but I do. I shouldn't be high on despair. Spleen shouldn't have hit me. But it has.. Will I sink or will I swim?
Anyhow, here I am. Here I am listening to melancholy songs, feeling a stronger connection with Werther every minute lived, feeling so old, feeling so sold. Save me, young friend. Then make me do it again. Go on, disgrace me.
I've had some great true laughs also during this frustrating week. I am going to be selfish enough and not even mention them, because my mind in preoccupied with bigger (sicker) thoughts.
What else should I write.. I don't want to fight.

PS. I'm going to crash the bookstore tomorrow and buy myself happiness.