Harmooniline vägivald

Lõppude lõpuks on kõik siiski lõputa ning universaaltõde pole mõtet otsima hakata. Harmooniliselt vägivallatsen oma elu lõpuni, kuni lõpuks mu elu murdub, sest kang ei ole enam tasakaalu asendis ja vead mu DNA-ahelas tulevad üha enam ilmsiks. (Siinkohal tasuks mainimist, et Le Chatelier' tasakaaluprintsiibil pole antud paradoksiga mitte mingit seost.)
Oleks pidanud täna teistmoodi käituma, äkki ma lihtsalt ei oska teisi inimesi päästa. Nojah, höhh, krr. Mõmm. Lähen tõmban parem keemiat ja kui organism enam vastu ei pea, jään apokalüpsist ootama. Ehk teisisõnu - Tere, maailmalõpumõtted.

I feel so cold

We act and think too individually and egoistically. In order to achieve our material purposes we rush from day to day, having spleepless nights, eat irregulary, and the worst part - we are damn proud of it! The more activities, duties we have, the cooler, respectable and honorable we are. As a result, we don't even notice the flowers bursting into bloom, summer wind flonding our cheeks, life passing by..

Inevitability?

All the drugs in this world won't save me from myself.

Fire and ice

Some say the world will end in fire. Some say in ice. From what I've tasted of
desire I hold with those who favor fire. But if it had to perish twice, I think
I know enough of hate to say that, for destruction, ice is also great and would
suffice.

Home, home again

I like to come here when I can.
As it turns my November is actually everyone else's October. And as it turns out, I need a break in order to rest my mental health before I fall into a fight with everyone from my class. Encore, as it turns out our lunch lady rides the same bus as me. Small world, huh, 007?
It's nice to live in another civilazation, no TV, no internet, no religion too. A lot of John Lennon fo laughing out loud. No shampoo. Oopsie daisy, shouldn't have come clean with that little dirty skeleton.
You hang on to every source of information. Yesterday, for example, I took the free city newspaper and read it from cover to cover (a thing I hardly ever do). I cannot complain that life is dull when living alone, because I simply fall asleep every time I sit in one place for too long. What can I say, it's a gift.
Yesterday is the last day of double literature this school year. Everyone needs to die in literature once in a while. Or is it just me? Yeah, I guess it's just me. I hate our grading system. It makes no sense whatsoever and it really frustrates me that I'm the only loser than understands it. Oh well, just a day and a year left. All will be well.
Oh yeah, one more thing. We're not going to Paris. We're not going to rent a bus for the Estonian trip we were going to have. We are going to hitchhike to Hiiumaa one at a time. Quelle surprise!
I'll say a few more things about school. Just because in a very short time, I won't be able to whine and critizise it. (Wonder how on the earth am I going to survive.) A huge test in math (I just like the American version better without the s), dying in literature, French crap for Friday, a remarcable test in history, some swell grammatic end of the year test in English (I have no clue what exactly phrasal verbs are..), a 800 word essay on Kalevipoeg (you'll hear my hate) and yes, I almost forgot - my chemistry exam. And it's mine. It's all fucking mine. Just try to take it away.

How to avoid AIDS in Estonia?

The first HIV-positive in Estonia was discovered in 1988. Since then, there have been over 6400 registered HIV-positives. You find this number too big? The information you are going to read next can and should shock you.
The statistics that show HIV cases per million people reveal that Estonia is on top of this chart. There are 467 HIV-positives in Estonia per million people. This is extraordinary, considering that Russia has 247 registered cases per million and Portugal, who is next to us, has 251 people infected per million. That is nearly half less then in our country! I, for one, find this information very disturbing. 467 HIV-positives in Estonia is getting dangerously close to the number of people infected per million in countries, such as Nigeria and South-Africa. These two countries have the most people living with AIDS. This might be the last chance to ask ourselves what exactly is going on before the spreading of HIV and AIDS turns into a national disaster. More importantly, we must ask ourselves what we can do to help the prevention of the brutal illness.
First, let us concentrate on the things that our state can do. In the early 1990s, when the disease first started to spread throughout the country, denial was the first reaction of the politics. This is not our problem, they said. Some experts recognized the seriousness of the problem and asked the state to provide a million kroons for a prevention campaign. Again, nothing was done. You can imagine that the idea of a syringe-exchange program was completely unthinkable. Today, the attitude of the politics has luckily changed. But still, there is no reason to be happy. Instead of giving a million kroons when it was first asked, now the state has to provide millions and millions of kroons for the treatment and prevention of HIV and AIDS. Still, it is good that the state has finally recognized the problem.
Secondly, we need to educate people. One must hope that the HIV-negative people in Estonia also understand it. Unfortunately, it is the other way round. Recently, articles have been published in our mass media concerning the spreading of HIV in Estonia. The Internet comments that I have read make me sick. Estonians believe that this is only a problem of drug-addicts, prostitutes and homosexuals. They are of the opinion that ordinary people can not get HIV. These people will not understand why the state has to give so much money for the campaigns. At present, it will be even more difficult to understand because of the predicted economic crisis and inflation. As said before, we need to educate people. To my mind, the first step is to provide sexual education in schools. By educating children, they would pass the knowledge to their parents. This is of utmost importance, since HIV is mostly spread through sexual contact between people at the age of 15-24. We must do something to save our youth. Although, I must confess that the idea of having condom machines in our schools, such as in Finland or in Sweden seems a little too bold considering the attitude of our society. Most people would laugh at this idea, but then again, there are only 26 people per million infected with HIV in Finland.
Thirdly, let us think of the things each individual can do. Most importantly, a HIV-negative individual should set an example to society. This person should spread his knowledge of HIV, but also help the people who are carrying the disease. HIV-positives are people too. They do not want to feel as if they are the outcasts of society. They should have a right to live a full life as long as they can. The HIV-positives should set an example too for the rest of us. They should have regular check-ups at the doctor’s, eat healthily and if possible, go in for sports as well. I hope one day our society will be mature enough for HIV positives to come out in public without the fear and being pointed fingers at, or even worse, being avoided.
Experts have predicted the spreading of HIV to increase in Estonia in the future. At present, it seems as if the state is finally starting to recognize the problem in Estonia. Nevertheless, there is hard work to be done if we want to save our people from dying of the modern day plague. Every one can make a huge difference by simply changing one’s attitude.

Why and how are all these stupid people breeding?

It's not my fault that God is in crises. Fuck him, he's Oprah.

Trying to make up a post that makes sense. But every thought in my bleeding heart seems to fall apart. At least I have a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.
I have good news at last - I'm not so hopeless at writing essays in Estonian than I thought. My first 6 hour essay didn't go that bad at all to my huge amazement. 76 points with my teacher is a hell of a good result, considering the shit I shot in every thinkable direction which made no sense whatsoever. And media whore isn't even my subject.
I'm so lucky to attend this hell they call an education institution located on Education Street. I mean, the random 12th grade students whom I've talked to.. well, I'm speechless.
"Which one is your subject to write about?"
"I don't know, I can write of everything."
or
"How did the essay go?"
"Oh, it went excellent. I finished 3 hours earlier."
I have no words. Maybe one "what's wrong with the world, mama?" would be acquired. I mean, if you don't work, you don't sleep. I feel sorry for lazy people.
My, oh my. I don't want to sound like a snob. Just that kind of attitude frustrates me. Education is the only thing in life no one can take away.

I'm getting stronger with every day. It's nice to be back. And the best thing? I can at last write an article for English as long as I want.

The child is dead, the dream is gone

Think of a girl walking around somewhere in the city center. She has got very nice clothes, her hair is neatly combed. But that isn't the first thing you notice. She has a strange detail about her. She is caring a soda bottle with some daffodils in it. Of course, the soda has been replaced with water. But this isn't the first thing you notice. Tears keep pouring down from her face. She's in pain. This is the first thing you notice. But for some sick, inhuman reason you don't stop to comfort her. You try to avoid the eye-connection at any cost. You have your problems as well, you think to yourself. You are curious to know what has happened to you. Nevertheless, you just keep walking. Not my problem, you think to yourself.
And me? I keep walking as well. Until I can't think of anything anymore and I just become paralyzed. I walk past people whom I know from somewhere. I'm sure they would comfort me, but that's the last thing in the world I need. I feel that they are fake in a way. I do not mean to offend anyone, it's strictly my problem. They are not really fake in your world, just in my world. Eventually, I'm so hurt that I just stare at the road. Luckily one real person passes by and stops. My classmate. He asks me why I'm so sad. He is not phony, I tell him what's on my mind. He offers to wait for my bus. We talk. He is truly from another world, that is the reason he cheers me up. He doesn't talk much, but he's there. He cares. He is real. He understands.
The girl with the soda bottle filled with daffodils dries her eyes and gets on her bus. There is going to be many hard days like this, she thinks to herself. She also knowledges to herself that she needs to choose the people around her carefully. This is not a time for giving, this is a time for receiving.
I love people too much. I assume they won't hurt me. Maybe it's my problem. Maybe I'm too sensitive. A crybaby. Maybe I'm just naive, I still believe in the beauty of people.
The girl with the daffodils wishes her birthday would be over already. She hates this particular day.