Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush

So I've decided to make my scenery a little more cheerful. I mean, as cheerful as I can. I have no real material connection with the beautiful city background which I have chosen. Nay, it's rather spiritual. Out of thousands of skins I just had to pick this one and I can even give a decent explanation. I've always wanted to live in a big city with millions of fellow earthlings. This picture just shows how people are trying to find there way home on a cold dark night. People driving all around, going somewhere, going anywhere, going nowhere in the end.. Trying to find there way home, trying to find some peace at the end of the day to erase all their sins and have a decent sleep. It's reassuring to know that most people are lost as well. To know you are not the only one. It's comforting too have a peak at all those tiny cars, everyone fighting their own battles, everyone paying for their own gas, everyone depending on one another in the end. What I'm really trying to say is that the world is a beautiful place with all its melancholy. Another thing that fascinates me about huge cities is fact that there are just so many people are around you. The joy of walking into a friend is a million times as enjoyable as usual I suppose. Well, it depends on the person also. Wink wink.

I suspect I am going to do something rebellious pretty soon. I know it's pointless and dumb to rise against the system, but you're only young once. When I'm depressed and angry with myself I can remind myself the words of wisdom - life is too short to regret anything. I don't want to exist, I want to live.

Life has been pretty sweet lately. School was a bore on Friday, but nice also. The nice part about it was that we were finally given a break from hell. My report card was also pretty decent. Luckily I managed to mix up the date of our departure for Haanja so I discovered myself with no plans whatsoever on a Friday night. No cheesy plans, no pointless promises. The next thing I remember is calling every member of our volunteers club and talking them into coming to a evening soccer match. I hope everyone enjoyed kicking the ball and had some true laughs. I also hope that the people who couldn't make it will regret it :D I sure as hell had fun. I also got confirmation that the most simple things in life connect people. Like midnight football.

Come to think of it, the weekend was also pretty neat. We ended up carrying come wood in a pile and by doing so we made the scenery of lake Vaskna much more beautiful. Unluckily, the wood didn't want to burn. The weather wasn't a complete whore, but it wasn't that superb either. The best moment was when the sun came out, the man with the electrical saw played the accordion and we jumped in the huge pile of wood branches. I dived like a complete lunatic, of course. I had a really homely feeling at the kip that we stayed in. People were warm and friendly like they always should be. And the best news? I am still invincible at jenga (like I always should be).

Just a post to say hello

.. for no particular reason. Ok, perhaps to prove that I'm still alive. To both of us.
The truth is that I've never had a headache like this one that I'm dealing with at the moment and.. oh yeah, it's killing me. I feel as is my whole skull is screaming from agony. It's not fun, but it's definitely not boring. Something new. I guess the mere thought of Spring has just hit me. Or perhaps I'm just justifying my stupidity by saying that (I decided to go and smell some fresh air with my hair all wet). Oh la la, I be very smart.

The truth is that I'm sucked dry out of energy. I'm nothing. Don't take it the hardcore emo way. I moan and complain most of my life. I guess I'll just go and moan in the corner and die alone. No, wait, this way is much more entertaining. When people can actually read my whining. I have to thank God, Buddha or/and Allah for the Internet. Or whoever is up there. That is, I have always assumed I would go to heaven, but lately it seems that a road trip to Dante's inferno isn't that bad of an idea also. I'll arrive there by hitchhiking, soaked in bleach, drunk on the ideas of the bad guys in literature. And I'll finally crawl to the 9th circle, shake Brutus's hand and use the chance to congratulate Judas himself on making it on to so many art themes. (What is art? Prostitution. Haha, the last laugh is on Judas, haha.) These two guys are never out of fashion. Come to think of it, maybe I'll just be such a crybaby and get on Lucifer's nerves by asking about the communists every so often so that he'll just send me back to Earth. Oh diddly doo, I'd better stop with the far fetched story or you'll think I'm high or something. I'll just say "ho ho ho", beacause it would be a little improper to say "ha ha ha" or you'll know I'm high. Anyhow. I don't have the contagious teen spirit with me anymore. Or the mojo. Or call it whatever you want. I'm too much of a nobody to care at the moment. A break is just what I need to load up my mental health. I'm not saying it should be in balance, hell no. That, my friends, is too much to ask for.

The truth is that it's really hard to write anything at the moment that makes sence. Usually words just pore out of me. But today is just one of those days. You know, your thoughts refuse to align with your fingers and you long for yesterday. Oh God, I'm really losing my touch. Parents, better not let your children ever know that there once was a band called "The Beatles". They were hardly the good boys of rock'n'roll when you think of it. Love the world, but never too much.

The truth is that I won't use "the truth is that" at the beginning of my paragraphes anymore. It's rather lame. Boring. Meaningless double talk. Psittacism. Hah, I bet you don't know what that last word meant. And yes, the answer to your question is "yes", I can be lamer than this. Or whatever. Sometimes you just need to write yourself empty. Sometimes you just need to sell your kids for food. Sometimes you just need to turn the other cheek. Oh yeah, and sometimes, you just need to lie to your parents and go hitchhiking to Paris despite of them forbidding it. And sometimes, pretend you don't know what this means. I mean, everyone needs some time to grow. Some space, some air, some utopian idea, some near to life/death experience, some divine comedy to tell your grandchildren.

The truth is that I broke my promise. Oh sweet hypocrisy! I broke my promise just like I break the world's immorality limits. Every now and then. Just for the laugh of it. Then I gaze at the stars and try hard not to lose control. And I ris and I pleure. And when it rains in my heart then it rains on the street as well. And when I smile in my heart then a whorehouse provides higher class service to the (mentally) broke Finnish people as well. And when I want to laugh, then I laugh and my friends laugh with me. Or at me. Or considering the circumstances. And I when I'm happy I just pray that I won't be happy for too long, because I start to miss the comfort in being sad. And then everything is ükskõik mis and I am ükskõik kes.

The truth is, I'm fed up with this senseless crap. Someone rape my thoughts, please. Take them and disgrace them. I'll just make you do it again and again and I'll hate you. You'll hear my fucking hate and find that I'm real good at it. And in the end, we are going to be fucking happy. And I beg your pardon yet again. I shouldn't swear, but I do it. The world shouldn't produce idiots, but it does anyway. George Walker - nonsense talker shouldn't have been elected for president in the first place, but he was. Makes us raise our eyebrows just a little bit, doesn't it. Okay, I'll produce some lines that make sense to someone apart from me as well. I'm under the impression that I'm taking on more responsibilities than I can chew on. Summer is approaching at the speed of light and I'm trying to race with it. I'm afraid to overestimate my limits again (such as during the previous weeks). I mean, I was so tired that I fell asleep in the cinema on Monday! I die. Either from boredom or tiredness or insomnia. No balance what so ever. I guess I'm not a very stable person, oh no.
The truth is, I don't believe anyone needs this break from school more than I do. I'll have time to read and sleep and I'll feel the spring in the air and I'll be normal.. kind of.

Here comes the sun

Kaku's birthday.
Was something new without a doubt! Firstly, the opening of her exhibition, listening to some live songs, finding myself on one work (I'll post it later when Katarina decides to put up her pictures), having champagne, eating carrots, talking to some old and some new friends.. To my surprise I had even more mutual friends with Kaku than I thought I would, yay! I must admit, the people were quite different, but in my opinion, Kaku pulled it off just fine. The sweet thing was that no one would dance when Kaku wasn't dancing. One could speculate that she was kinda too drunk when she decided on taking her shirt off, but I disagree. Okay, I agree she was drunk, but drunk on happiness. Besides, a person only turns 18 once in a lifetime. I'm so blessed to have an amazing friend like her! (K's words also made me think. It's time to take some action.)
My new home.
Well, things are going very well with that also. Yesterday Kati and Volli went shopping for some new furniture. How wicked is that, things are finally going my way! The building contractor was also pretty optimistic, he promised the work to be done by the 1st of April. It's really starting to hit me that I should rather enjoy my comfortable life at the moment. My mother has also been too good for me recently. She cleaned my dirty room, bought me beautiful daffodils and three pairs of new pants. Maybe it's starting to hit her as well that I'm leaving, lol. No matter what, I'm still going to miss this place. I've becomes too attached to my room during the past months.. But hey - life is all about change.
School work.
Please, God, if you're out there, give me the strength to have some hardcore perseverance so I wouldn't get so bad grades on my report card. Okay, I'll stop here and proceed to dealing with my article for Estonian. Damn media whores..